I HATE COWS!

So I have to leave for my uncle party at six so I decide to just milk early, five thirty. I get my bucket and head out to the barn. About half way there I see a flicker of movement to my left, the steers out. I get this sick feeling in my stomach as I stare at this guy happily munching away on a few blades of grass. I set the bucket down and run for a lead line. I walk up slowly on him thinking something along the lines of " if this guy gives me a hard time he's going to be in the freezer by this time tomorrow!" Sure enough, he did what every steer does right before you are close enough to grab him, run! OK, now I'm boiling, this kids getting the full treatment. I go and get my brand new rope, he sees me coming and he knows exactly what a lariat is for. So he turns to face me but as soon as I start to wind up he gets this idea that he'd like to visit the next county, so he takes off and I chase him all the way to the other side of the field before I could get close enough to throw. Well this isn't just any old steer, this bugger knows the game(he's had LOTS of practice :)so just as my rope was about to fall around his head he ducked to the side. Well I get my rope all wound up again but by this time he's back on the other side of the field(About this time I was trying to decide what would be cleaner, a 22. or a 12 gauge). So I trudge over there and he looks at me with this bored smirk on his face, "well this time you are NOT getting away" I yell at him as I break into a run spinning my rope above my head. He takes one good look at me and realizing I mean business turns tail and runs for his life! Well I start gaining on him and got in a perfect position behind and a little to the right of him and threw for his horns, but just as my loop was about half way to it's destination I hit a patch of ice that wasn't supposed to be there and did the coolest somersault with a twist you ever saw, but I missed :( As I lay there I began thinking all the hard questions of life that ranchers have asked themselves since the beginning of time, Why am I here(on the ground I mean)? Why does life have to be so hard(having to wrestle cows for a living)? Who in the world talked me into this anyway? I got up from the ground with a determination that only comes to a man in the worst of times. My old pal stood only a short distance away eying we wearily, as I began to lift my rope he turned to run, but I made two quick spins and took a step toward him as I threw my rope and caught him around the neck, well he wasn't humored by this at all and started dragging me, so I pulled myself up the rope and put him in a head lock, well if there is one thing cows hate the most it's head lock's. He turned his head and caught my coat on his horn and pushed me to the ground, So now I've got a 500 lb steer standing over me. I asked him if he wanted to make a deal, he go back to his pen and me say sorry or something. Well he didn't seem to get my point so I reached up and grabbed one of his horns and twisted his head to the side and at the same time kicked his leg out from under him. The only part I didn't calculate was the impact. After I got my air back I successfully got on top of him was able to get him hogtied till I felt good enough to put him away, BIG SIGH. So now you can congratulate me(on my longest post ever I mean :)

God bless you all.